even when I'm feeling totally alone

... and I go to postsecret to read the latest secrets, once I finish them I look at the counter at the bottom of the page and see how many people looked at the page with me.
It was 2,100-something today.

proof that we aren't alone in the world.

I know I'm not.. but I'm alone in my home.
I miss dan.

halloween is so far away

when thinking of it in terms of seeing you.

I want to hold you and snuggle you and bury my face in your neck and play with your hair and kiss your cheek and hold your hands and sit in your lap and spoon you and play card games and go to breakfast.

and despite risk of sounding whiny,
I want it nowww.

I can wait.
just... impatiently.

I don't have any mementos

I just realized, while wanting to hug something of yours, that I do not have anything to hug. I have my bed, which has never met you. I have some things I wore around you. I have the underwear I wore before we consummated our relationship. but I don't have anything to snuggle up to at night. I guess you don't either, but I have a hunch that this is more of a me thing than a you thing.
I need a sweater or a bear or something to cuddle with when you aren't with me.
my arms are so lonely, even if my heart isn't.
I miss you to such an incredible degree. I love you even more intensely, so it makes this easier than I would have imagined, but I do miss you so much.
every day feels like it goes by quickly, but then I think about the fact that it has only been seven days since I've seen you. it feels like fifteen.
I knew going into this that I'd have to put up with some missing you, but this is just so hard. I want you. You're finally mine, and I want you.
I want to give myself to you and have our relationship happening instead of being paused.

I do love you so, so very much.

right now all you have is time time time

I've never felt this amazing calm rush of feelings before. it's like a completely overpowering thing, and even when I'm sad or feeling lonely and I'm missing dan, wishing he was here, worrying about him, I know everything is going to be okay.
I'm so glad I have such a wonderful person to be in love with. this love is unlike anything I've ever felt or seen and it makes me feel like everything I've gone through has been for this reason, and so... all of those things are totally okay. I may have been through what felt like hll at times, but I kept going, and I got here.
Even though this isn't my final destination, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm with someone I love so freely and intensely and I feel completely appreciated.
If I could have anything in the world right now, I'd want to be with him in his car, or at breakfast. I love the silences we share. They are never uncomfortable silences only sweet, understanding ones.
And he's the sweetest thing.
oh my oh my, am I grateful for this life.

you

are everything I was waiting for, what I am looking forward to, why I have endured.

I love you.

in the morning.

I'm on my way! This is a five year dream come true, and I am not going to fuck this one up.
The release of everything that has passed is amazing. I feel like all of my downfalls brought me here, and so now they're almost glorified.

please please please, God, don't let my ride fall through.

I don't care, I could go anywhere with you and I'd probably be happy

I would gladly live in a dilapidated, handmade shack with you any day of the week. Just you and our handiwork would keep me happy.

the story of us, part 1.

I was fifteen, you were eighteen.
I had been out of my first, and very serious, relationship for a number of months and you were single and, if I remember correctly, sexually frustrated.
I added you on myspace because that's what you did back then, in myspace's first year or so. You added people you didn't know and made a million friends because that's what was cool. I thought you were cute with your long hair and your combat boots.
So we started emailing, and then instant messaging. I remember you were talking about visiting me at some point for a weekend, and we would have a weekend long relationship. I liked you a lot, and you felt the same way, I believe.
You would always shy away from compliments, so I started handing them out like crazy. I went crazy for your epic compliments,
"You have a face I could paint a thousand times and never get bored. And I never paint the same thing twice."

I never let you tell me about your relationships because I was jealous. And why wouldn't I be? All of a sudden, instead of having you tell me I'm pretty and how much you want to see me, you're talking about some amazing new person who happens to live in your city. I was jealous of her, them, and of San Diego. That entire city had you to itself and I couldn't be there no matter how much I wanted to be. I was stuck here in Portland and couldn't get away. I was fifteen. What was I going to do? Pine. I sat here and pined away and dated a few losers.

You moved to Texas for college and God knows what else. You got a girlfriend who I thought was very plain looking. You, however, are not plain looking, so I had no idea how that girl got you. She did look really sweet. Then there was the crazy one that I couldn't stand. You told me you were "over the tea kettle in love" with her, and you planned on proposing. I was happy that you were so happy, but I kept hoping you wouldn't marry her. I hadn't even met you yet!