it's kind of hilarious that my stress stomach aches are happening due to my being happy. I haven't felt so good in a long time. I'm just afraid of it all falling away, like it always did before. Maybe right now is the time when my luck turns around and I get to enjoy happy things. Luckily, I have reassurance and understanding of my anxiety from Dan. He gets that I'm just experiencing a normal kind of nervousness based on past events. I'm really grateful for that, and all the things he said to make me more comfortable last night.
The bridge between good friends who wants to be together and actually being together is a weird one if it's a five-year-long bridge. I'm glad there's still a kind of humor in everything and it's not like you can even question whether the person cares or not. I know he loves me. I know he cares about my feelings. He knows I care about him. He also knows how much I love him. So when I said I was having terrible anxiety over the possibility of him deciding against me, again, he understood that it was just me being cautious. And made me feel so much better.
Now I have a place to stay in California, and might be able to stay at his house a night, which would be wonderful.
I can't believe it's finally happening though. It's so easy and good and comfortable.
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